priyam: അറിവുകള്‍

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

അറിവുകള്‍

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JOKES

Poems written by husband to wife

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
ThenI wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. ***************************************************
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*****************************************
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
******************************************
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
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Roses are red, Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.

SANTA ANSWER MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh applying to a medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say he never made it. You know why?These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.
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Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome
.Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close.

SARDAR JOKES

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductorasked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said Aprilfool. I have pass.

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till lateevening on the computer.Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so Imade it alright.
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On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him.Darling on ourengagement day will you give me a ring.Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
*****************************************************
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Doyou want to see any one before you die?Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
****************************************************
2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodeswhile fixing.sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
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Sardar was busy removing a wheel fromhis auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto. sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for2 wheeler.

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Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hotihai. Hamaara gaadipetrol se start hoti hai.

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Boss : Where were you born ?sardar : Punjab.Boss : which part ?sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab

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How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it

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JOKES IN PROSE

MAN TO PRIEST: FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED I USUALLY READDIRTY JOKES AND VIEW PICTURES OF GIRLS ON MY MOBILEPRIEST:FOWARD UR SINS TO ME!

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Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men...

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Teacher : What do you want to become????Sam : Doctor...!!!!!Teacher : Why????Sam : Bcoz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes & ask her Husband to pay 4 it....!!!!
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LOVE MARRIAGE VS ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

priyam

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

അറിവുകള്‍

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